Returning in time and place to Michigan to my fifth conception as I before stated, I didn’t want to live. My mental burden was heavy and deep depression was upon me. I reviewed my efforts:

Sparrow No. 1, dead; Sparrow No. 2, deaf; Sparrow No. 3, dead; Sparrow No. 4, dead

I wondered what would happen to Number five. Thoughts of suicide didn’t go away easily. I lived from day to day as if in a fog. Melissa was my only comfort sustaining me until her father returned at evening from work. My nerves were so shattered that a small noise sounded amplified many times and robbed me of sleep. Even the breathing of my loved ones kept me awake. Finally in desperation for rest, I went into an unused bedroom away from any sound. I needed total silence. This spare room was used to store what we couldn’t use of our own furniture—a stove and washer and another bed which we set up. I lay down on it hoping to be able to get some sleep. As I lay staring toward the stove and washer I had a vision.

Melissa was on a tricycle riding toward me through the stove and up to the side of the bed. As I reached out my arms to enfold her, she said, “I love you, Mother.” My heart was so warmed by those words. I asked her to repeat it.
“I love you,” and she smiled.
“Melissa, how old are you? Are you three?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Are you three and a half?”
“Yes.”
“Are you four?”
“Yes.”

She could hear and talk normally.
I noticed her eyes shone with the brightness of comprehension.
It was different than her eyes were in real life.
They looked dull because she didn’t understand many things.
At that observance, the vision closed. Melissa was on a tricycle riding toward me through the stove and up to the side of the bed. As I reached out my arms to enfold her, she said, “I love you, Mother.” My heart was so warmed by those words. I asked her to repeat it.
“I love you,” and she smiled.
“Melissa, how old are you? Are you three?”
“Yes,” she replied.
“Are you three and a half?”
“Yes.”
“Are you four?”
“Yes.”

She could hear and talk normally.
I noticed her eyes shone with the brightness of comprehension.
It was different than her eyes were in real life.
They looked dull because she didn’t understand many things.
At that observance, the vision closed.

 

At the time
of the vision,
2-year-old
Melissa
had her tricycle
but her feet
couldn't reach
the pedals.

 

 

 

Here she is age four,
and just about
what I saw
in the vision.

 

 I hoped she would hear and talk by the age of four but the Spirit cautioned me, “She could have been older. You only asked her up until the age of four.” I later found out why the questions stopped at four. That is all the further into the future God wanted me to know. That’s all I could handle. One step at a time, one day at a time is how He leads us. His love for us is guided by wisdom and mercy.

I praised God for allowing me to hear her voice and was grateful even more for the words of her love for me. Up to that time, I hadn’t heard one word from her lips, and God told me the very thing I needed to hear—what was in her heart. “I love you” is the most beautiful phrase in the universe. She couldn’t say it so He gave it to me through the power of the Holy Ghost. I cried, and took courage. And then God caused me to want to live by appealing to my mother-love. He told me I had something to give to Melissa that no one else could give her. I believed it to be a strong faith in Him—a faith that someday she could be healed. So for Melissa, I wanted to live.

It’s been said that this part of my life is difficult to read about. True, but I learned that there's no hole so deep that God isn't in there with you. Words are inadequate to express the greatness of His love for us during times like these. He was right there all the time. His love is over all and in all, and through all things—joyful and painful. He was there when Jesus cried out, “My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” And we know that God hadn’t, but Jesus had to face that cross as a man, with all the fears of a man. How do I know? Jesus told me so. And we have to face our cross also. But we know God is there, and because we are His children, He will always be there trying to help lift us up until our time is completed here, and He calls us home. He was there for me, and He’ll be there for you.

 

When we first got the news in Michigan that we were going home before our baby was born, I was overjoyed. General Mills closed down the feed division, and promised to hire a replacement for Gene. He moved us back and Melissa and I got settled in expecting Gene to be back in two weeks. He didn’t come. They kept promising him they’d hire someone else when he complained, but they didn’t. Weeks went by and Melissa and I were alone. Finally Gene just had to quit and come home. We lived on his retirement fund, about $1,000, while he looked for another job. It was running out as his applications were turned down one after another, apparently because of a knot growing on his neck. It was starting to get pretty big—could be cancer, a health risk for a company.

One day Gene phoned and said Caterpillar Tractor would hire him. It wasn’t what he wanted, and the pay was low, but he had to provide for his family, so he took the job. Gene became a truck driver. Working conditions, inadequate pay, and bad attitudes among the truckers was unpleasant. But relief was on the way.

Placing this challenge before the Lord in prayer, I asked, “Lord, I’ll scrub floors to help him. Will you help us?” I should have remembered that God always plans ahead and searched my memory banks for His solution before I asked, for His reply was basically, “Remember the dream?” “Oh, yeah! Is that what that meant?” (Here again, I didn't understand it until I needed to.)

I dreamed I was sitting before an employer applying for work. The man sitting behind the desk asked me one question—“What are you qualified to do?” I answered, “I am a commercial artist.” I awoke.

This counsel puzzled me because being near delivery, I knew I couldn’t go back to Hallmark. When I questioned the Spirit about the interpretation, the Still Small Voice told me to free-lance. It had been six years since I’d painted anything, and I was very rusty, but moved out in faith. I phoned Hallmark and talked with the head of the department where I once worked. She greatly encouraged me to apply at smaller companies where I could work out of my home, assuring me I’d have no trouble finding work.

The first company sent me a letter of rejection, but on its heels came a check purchasing every card I’d sent to the second company. That was cause for celebration and praise to God! Did you ever see a pregnant lady bouncing around the room? Faith in God’s every day guidance of our family was being strengthened.

I was still uneasy about the birth of our baby. To ease my apprehension, God granted me a wonderful foreknowledge of the coming event.

In about my 7th month, I saw an angel holding a healthy baby for me to see. I knew it was the child I carried and what a relief it gave me. This one would live.

We began picking names and settled on Timothy or Christopher for a boy. Totally undecided on which, one day we got a phone call asking, “Is Timothy there?” I giggled and answered, “Not yet.” And that’s how we decided. I went into labor with peace of mind.
We suspected a boy was on the way, and weren’t too surprised when a healthy son arrived. We praised God, dedicating him to the Lord. How anxious I was to make sure “everything worked” on him. Melissa had been born whole also, but the apprehension was still there. Tim “worked.”

When I had carried Melissa in the womb, I’d been so anxious to teach her about Jesus. Whether the baby would be male or female, I didn’t care; but before I had the chance, she was snatched from the world of the hearing. It now would be much more difficult to teach her, once I learned how to communicate with her. Here was a son who could hear and understand—that is IF nothing happened to him. I thought of my dream—my 2 sons beside the river. One died, one lived. Michael was already gone. If the dream was from God, this would be the only son I would birth now, and he would live. It was, and he did. I heard the Spirit say, “You have been given this son as a gift for what you have been through.” I knew he was a gift, and have never forgotten it. Thank You, Heavenly Father.WB01520_.gif (489 bytes)

 


Soon after Tim was born more counsel came from heaven. I was reading the Scriptures in my daily worship and He told me He wanted us to purchase a home. “That’s impossible!” I replied. God always asks us to do the impossible in our eyes, but seeing through His, nothing is impossible. That’s why He invented Faith.

Instead of joy in the knowledge that He wanted us to have a home, I responded with an argument that we didn’t want to get into debt because of the instability of the nation’s economy, and that we’re told not to get in debt. In patient, loving response to a balking child, He said that we were on His errand with our lives down here, and that it was His job to take care of us—that He would pay our debts, and we were only to obey what He asks of us. That settled it. We began looking for a house to buy.

My first check from the Sangamon Company in Illinois made the first monthly payment on our new home. I kept the canceled check as a reminder of how good God is to us. And with God’s guidance we received an inheritance in Zion.

And the knot behind Gene’s ear? Under skilled and blessed hands of wonderful surgeons at the Sanitarium, a benign cyst the size of a small hen’s egg was removed without disturbing the delicate nerves that could have paralyzed half of his facial muscles for life. I sometimes wonder if God has a medical staff of angelic surgeons on duty in our operating rooms. Many patients and doctors alike have testified to their presence. Some physicians have said an unseen power was guiding their hands. What a wonderful Father we serve! He never leaves us to face anything alone.

 

Our First Home,
Jan. 17, 1964
14605 E. 39th Street,
Independence, Missouri

 

 

Many blessings came to us in the three years we lived in our first home before moving to Olathe, Kansas. It was in this front yard that I saw Gene kneeling in my vision just after we had it dedicated.   And in this garage supplies were gathered to be sent to help the Sioux Indians of Pine Ridge Reservation in South Dakota in 1966.

We were so happy with our “special gift,” as God called him. Gene and I lost so many babies that we learned how fragile and precious life is. And then Satan decided he didn’t like the joy we were having with our children. A foreboding began plaguing me that Tim wouldn’t live. I carried this weight for some time. One day I had a vision.

I saw Tim leaning on a wicker rocker, smiling up at me just as if to say, “See, I’m O.K.” He appeared several years older. Then the vision of the future vanished.

The beautiful, happy vision helped me realize Satan was making me afraid, and to stop worrying. What God gives to us can’t be taken away unless He wills it; and He wasn’t willing this. Today Tim is 33 years old, very much alive and working for the Lord in every aspect of his life—a gift from heaven indeed! WB01520_.gif (489 bytes)